Dino Reviews: Angry Birds 2 (2019)

Note: We here at Electric Dinosaur Art decided to throw in the occasional review for our readers. As E.D.A. is itself a foray into the larger culture, it only makes sense to critique that culture when appropriate.

8/16/2019

"You are so pathetic." -- Zeta the Eagle.

This phrase might best sum up the movie, Angry Birds 2. Styled as a light-hearted family flick, the movie delivered good visuals, good voice acting, and an enjoyable array of 80s music. But beneath all the glitz, Angry Birds 2 had one important undercurrent which directed the flow of the entire movie: men are pretty bad. Not bad in the sense of evil, just bad in the sense of incapable. They are incapable of relating their emotions (keeping it pent up out of fear), use "duty" as a means of preserving their own prestige and power, and will not sacrifice their own egos when the situation demands it. 

Red is a flightless fowl who became the leader (?) of Bird Island in Angry Birds (2016) after defeating the invading Pigs of Piggy Island. Revered as a hero and idolized by all, this fame is threatened when the Pigs call a truce to deal with the danger caused by a third source. This threat is the Eagles of Eagle Island, a frozen place where Zeta the Eagle reigns supreme. 

Red is generally incompetent, only wishing to preserve his own image even if this places his entire island in jeopardy. He is approached by the pig leader, Leonard, to solve the problem of ice-barrages from Eagle Island. Red self-styles himself leader of the expedition to thwart the Eagles and subsequently recruits some familiar faces to the task. New to the gang is Silver, who might be the most Mary-Sue (a term we use sparingly, but certainly applicable here) character ever written into a film. In Force Awakens style, Silver has no flaws about her and immediately takes to the task at hand. She is athletic, insightful, and brilliant, stopping Red's incompetency and saving the day on occasions too frequent to list. She ultimately becomes the true leader of the group, displacing Red, whose usefulness is limited to one part of the movie. This wouldn't have been as bad as it is, except that the usurpation is repeatedly and explicitly acknowledged throughout the film. One character remarks how the "strong female" threatens Red's egotistical wellbeing. That's about as subtle as an Angry Bird in the face. 

The villainess of the story is a jilted Eagle, Zeta, whose fiancée abandoned her at the altar out of fear (itself a little unclear as he keeps a candle burning for her). Not to be outdone by Silver's brilliance, Zeta is shown to be smarter than her own (male) engineer, and schools him in how to properly make a superweapon. She is also (oddly, for a children's movie) shown to torture (via freezing) her insubordinates who fail their tasks. When the lost lover returns at the climax of the film, Zeta subjects him to a tirade about how her present actions have nothing to do with him (she don't need no man) because, apparently, she's just wholly selfish and wants a warmer spot to roost. Men played no part in the decision (we think? It's a little unclear due to the end of the movie). When the two are ultimately wed, they are pronounced "Eagle and Husband" instead of the traditional "Husband and Wife." The minimization of males is repeatedly made clear. 

The main story is punctuated by that of a trio of Baby Birds trying to retrieve three unborn chicks (aka: eggs) which they lost. It's a mainly a slapstick side-quest, though in the end it becomes a "we can work together" story with the Piglets, both groups saving the day by literally joining hands with one another (which is a tad trite considering the long feuds between them). The younger generation can evidently build the bridges the older folks were intent on destroying. The idea of saving fertilized eggs does have some interesting pro-life potential though, as the eggs are acknowledged as Birds and constantly referred to as "unborn sisters."

For the kids, there is some dark humour (acknowledged in the film at one point, but made lighter by subsequent events) and fair amounts of vulgarities (dealing mainly with bodily fluids). One character is born out of wedlock. 

Even before the overt anti-male message occurred, the film provided very few laughs. Those that did follow stemmed from absurd situations and not any particular cleverness. 

In the end, the movie follows in the same now-tired path carved by Cars 3. The old, male heroes must move aside to make way for the woke future. 

Score: 3/10